Forgivness

I have been thinking of writing this for so long and have tried to decided if there was even a point to post it here. This blog is more for my own reference.. for an outlet a way for me to grow learn and feel that by posting here there is a stronger sense of accountability. Sounds crazy I am sure.. but then I really don't think anybody reads this. I am by no means a writer.
Anyways, This time of year.. from Christmas through now.. I am always so concerned with " George" (Kaydon's Biological Father) as Kasey and I refer to him. It has been almost 5 years from the last time we saw him, heard from him,let along gotten any child support from him.I will admit that I have held a lot of resentment and anger of him through the years. I can not understand how you would not want to be a part of your child's life. Then again, I am so GRATEFUL that I do not have to share Kaydon with him. I would hate to lose my weekends or holidays or any other time... I guess I am greedy that way. Kaydon doesn't ask much about him and I am happy for this. I know there will be a time that he asks more and I pray that I have the right words for him.
I wish I knew where he was or how to send this to him.. but because I don't I will do it here.

Dear Alex,

I wish I knew how to start this letter and am hoping that the words that I am about to write find their way to you. It has been so long and so much has happened through the years. Kadyon is growing into an incredible little man and I am so proud of him. He is the light of my life and the joy in my heart. Everyday I Thank God for bringing him into my world and I know that God has a plan and this journey we have been on is al part of it.
I have had a lot of anger for you ... from the beginning really. I have felt let down, hurt and disappointed by your actions and the way you treated me and Kaydon. I don't understand how you can just walk away and neglect your own son. How you can just vanish off the earth with no goodbye.
I have complete trust and Faith in God that it is for a very good reason you had to do that. You may not understand and I know I don't but God does. Who you were the last time I saw you was not a good example of a Man for Kadyon. Not a stable healthy relationship he needed in his life. He needs so much more then you were able to offer him. I pray that this path you have chosen, the journey you are on, has a way of turning your life around and allows you to become a Man that Kaydon could one day be proud of! I am no longer angry at you, I forgive you and I pray that you find your way. There must be so much darkness and hurt in your life to chose this and I feel bad for you. There is good in you and he has that in him.
I want you to know that I have never spoken bad of you to Kaydon and I never will. I hope when he gets older and wants to learn more that I can help him and that he can see good coe of this and that you took this time away from him, to be better for him! I believe that your choice to stay away is your way of being the best Father you can.. and that as hard as it was for you.. you did it for him!
I pray that you find your way through this life you are living and come out a better man.

Laura

A bowl full of lemons.: How I organize with totes!

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A bowl full of lemons.: How I organize with totes!: "I use organizing totes for just about everything... My 4 yr olds 'Away from home' toy bagMy 'Office in a bag'My Shaklee Cleaning suppliesChe..."