Tuesday, August 4, 2009

I am at a loss......

I feel like I am failing as a mother and that is one of the worst feelings to have. As many of you know, Kaydon has had issues - to say the least- that are heightened at school. It is like a switch that stops him from having any control over his feelings or actions. all along there has been the talk of he is immature, but we have some red flags. AS the year continued and we spoke with his Dr. she decided that he needed to be evaluated. Tomorrow we go to the Melmed center with hopes of HELP! it is easy to say that Kaydon is so different around us. We aren't having these dame issues that he has there. We see little things- but it doesn't escalate they way it does there. By his actions you would think he is spoiled and this is how he ALWAYS acts. But that is far from the case and I think that is what is so frustrating! i don't know what causes it, how to help it or better yet how to stop it. We have been to school for 9 days.. 9. That's it. Last week he started 1 day in the principles office but seemed to recover and have a great day. Today started off rocky and by 1:00 I was told to come get him. It broke my heart to get to his school and find him under the teachers desk refusing to come out for the principle.... or at first me. There his classmates where trying to pay attention to the teacher... parent helpers doing there work. And I feel so guilty because I am worried about what they think of us...... That my kid is defiant/ A brat/ spoiled... that this is our normal life!!!!! And I just want them all to see how we see him act. To know this is not okay with us and this isn't NORMAL! My heart breaks right now because when I feel I know how to help him or what to do.... we are back to square 1! And after 5 minutes in the car when he seemed to recover today he could talk to me and tell me what happened and he understands what the consequences are... but he doesn't know why he couldn't control himself. That is how it always is.. when the switch is flipped again.... he is okay.
I know my problem is small compared to what so many other parents have to go through with their children. I can't begin to imagine the helplessness they feel. i just pray for those families out there and for ours. That we can get some help tomorrow.. get answers and understand what is going on and how we can help him.