it is so hard...

Okay so at church on Sunday our Pastor spoke about CONTENTMENT! He even went as far as being content with the family that we have. Let me tell you that this topic hit on SOOOOO many personal levels. I really feel that I am growing in this area. I have been praying allot about being content and really focusing in on it during my quiet time. It is a big adjustment to a step-mom as well as bringing in your own child. I always new that it would be "harder" then if it was just the two of us... but there are some days I truly feel as though I am failing. I tend to be harder on Kaydon then the others because I want them to not feel that I am just hard on them. And many times Dylan expresses that we are harder on him and when I sit and really pray about it and talk with my Mom about it, I am reminded that as long as I am showing Love and compassion and being reasonable on my expectations then we are fare. Most of the time it is just because he is older and when the other kids hit that age the expectations will be the same. Then when Kaydon acts up or does something wrong- like he broke the screen on the new french door- I find myself apologizing to Kasey because it was "my son" who did it. It is like a vicious cycle. Even on weekends that we don't have the other three I feel guilty doing things with Kaydon because we are not doing it with them. It is usually something as simple as a movie (which is a big deal to go do in our house) but the feeling of guilt on not wanting to do it and then about feeling that way drives me and Kasey NUTS!!! But then when we talk to them, they already saw the movie and a couple others at that. I just really want to make sure they all feel equally loved and that there are no favorites. But I am getting better at this... it is a one day at a time process- feel free to pray for me in this area.. I need it. Or give any advice that you may have on helping combine families and live a 3 person, 4 person and six person household!
As much as I can see the growth I am having in that area, there is another area that I am truly struggling with. If I can get to the point that I forget about it... I AM FINE! But once it is in my brain I am "obsessed" as Kasey puts it. My biggest struggle with contentment in my life is if there will be a baby in our future!!! I want to have a child with Kasey and I feel that it would truly complete our family. This is not as easy as it sounds because to do this.. my husband has to go get "undone" as we call it. And it is not cheap!!!! This is the only thing that is truly holding us back. The cost of raising a 5th child is also a factor.. but we know we could make that work. To come up with the THOUSANDS of $ it is going to cost to even make it an OPTION is the real problem. Kasey has this UNBELIEVABLE FAITH that it will happen and we will have a baby together. I never see him even worry about the possibility that it won't. It is just not something that he shows either way. Neither one of us wants to wait much longer because it would really feel like we have 2 families. So in my head there is a time frame that is quickly ending. I don't want Kaydon to be much older to a siblings then he already would be at this point. Sitting in church I just wanted to run out and cry because I want one so bad. I know that if God wants us to have one then he will provide what we need to have it, but if he doesn't he won't. I fail in this department with my faith. I pray DAILY... sometimes HOURLY that I can truly believe, and have comfort, that he knows what is best for us in this area and that he has control and that it is okay if we don't have a child together. We are ALREADY so blessed to have 4 beautiful healthy kids. Something so many other don't have and want. But I don't think I would be okay if we never had one. The possibility of never being pregnant and sharing this miracle with Kasey truly breaks my heart and spirit... and at this point it is only a possibility! Then I feel like I am failing God and my husband by not being content with our 4 and with what God is providing for us. I wish that we just had the answer of if it truly was going to happen or not. I think until it is definite one way or another I will continue to drive myself- and at time Kasey- CRAZY!!! AAAHHHHH!!!! God I pray that you can ease my mind in this area. I know what I would tell others if they were feeling the way that I do, and I know what I should feel and how I should have faith but I just can't seem to. I can't seem to let it go.
Okay, I think I was all over the board on this blog... I just needed to get it out.

The Graduate

My Graduate

I am a KINDERGARTNER now

His wonderful teacher Mrs. Merriam

I can't believe that the school year is over adn in a few short months I will be walking him into Kindergarten!!! AMAZING! Kaydon has grown so much this year. He is still a super Hero fan adn Spiderman is the greatest! He is writing pretty well and knows all the letters. It is a constant "Mom, how do you spell...." in our house.

I am so very eager to see what the future has in store for him. I think school is so important and vital and I really want to have him be excited to learn new things. So far.. he has gotten that from Ladybug Christian Preschool. It was such a fun experiance. You felt the love for the kids, learning and God as soon as you walked through the doors.

There is a piece of me, Okay half of me, that is so sad my little boy is growing up! He is venturing out on his own and will be gone daily making his own choices! I hope we are teaching him well. I just want to keep him here with me forever!!!! But I know that this is good! I am so poud of my little man and I can't wait to see who he is to become. I pray that he has a love for the Lord and shows that by having a Kind heart, Compassion, Happiness and Joy!

One Lucky MOm

My Boys washing Mom's car for Mother's day

Breakfast in bed by your kids.... what better way to wake up!!

Okay.... I am truly a lucky mom! When Kasey and I got married I became the "BONUS MOM" to three fantastic kids! Dylan, Carlie and Blake I love you like you were my own! It has been such a wonderful experience to see how you can love so much- regardless of blood relations! I would do anything for them and I hope they always know it! I know that they have their Mom, and that is awesome, but I get to be there bonus MOM! I hope they know how many people love them and how lucky we all are! Kaydon loves having brother's and a Sister as much as I love having 4 kids! I love our family and I know to many it is not "traditional" but it is perfect for us! We have all blended together and feel very much of a family. Thank you guys for always making me feel so special and letting me join you in your life journey! I am so blessed.... 4 times over! You guys have my heart and I am so thankful for you. You each bring so much joy to me and our family!

Mother's Day... part 1

My First Love

Let me just start out by saying I love this little Man! He truly has such a loving sweet nature and I am so thankful for him. Looking back over being his Mom for the past 5 years, I can truly say I HAVE CHANGED! When I got pregnant I was not ready to be a Mom nor was I prepared to love someone with every ounce of My heart and soul! I had this idea of the way that I would become a Mom.. and this was not my plan! But I know now that this was God's plan. Kaydon John is a true joy and he is going to make a difference in the world. I never imagined being able to do the things that I now think our "normal" and no that I will learn so much more right along with him. He has my heart and I am so proud of the boy he is turning into! i wouldn't change anything in my past because it all led to this wonderful little boy making me the Happiest MOMMY out there! I love our special kisses every night, our dream dates we talk about before his prayers and the long snuggles I get when he wakes up in the morning.

At his school, we had a SPECIAL Mother's Day Celebration! We had muffins together, they sang us songs and gave us a bag full of kisses! We made a flower together out of both of our hands and he even made me my own flower pot. It was so fun to be there with him and I just LOVE being his MOM!!

Ladybug Christian Preschool

Kaydon has gone to Ladybug Christian Preschool this year and it has been an amazing experience and WONDERFUL start to his Education! We are so greatful for all the love and knowledge he has gotten there. They have had there last field trip and a Family Picnic to end the school year. I would like to thank Jenifer Merriam for her amazing school! She hsa touched so many lives and we are so greatful for you. When Kaydon's teacher left a while back, you stepped in and did an amazing job. The kids can feel your love for them, the Lord, and education. It is such a blessing to have you. You have truly touched the heart of our Son and appreciate all you do. (I need to get a picture of her)

Happy Birthday Mom

I am so thankful for my Mom. Just over a year ago, my Mom had a heart attack and I was so scared that I would lose her. It was the first time I actually thought about the day that I don't have my parents to create more memories. We went on a Flanagan Family Vacation, which I hope we can continue to make a tradition of, in March and it was the first time in like 20 years that we have done womething like that. I will hold that trip dear to me always. I am so glad that their Grandchildren are able to spend time with them and really have a close relationship. I can't wait to see them grow. My Mom is one of the greastes self made nurses and has such a giving open heart. Thank you for being you! I love you Mom!!!

Travis, Nana and Kaydon

Rocky Point, Mexico 2007

Grandpa and Nana

RockyPoint

My Mom and I

To Nana: I love you because you let me spend the night and give me lots of hugs and kisses. Love kaydon

a dAy aT tHe zoO

So when Jen and Zephyr came out for a visit kaydon, Kylee and I decided that they NEEDED to see the Phoenix Zoo! So much fun! It is really a great zoo with so many fun things to do. Next time we will definatly rent a cool bike adn do the boat ride. But is was sun touching the Sting Rays and the best ... by far.... was ALL 5 of us on the camel for a ride!!!! WE miss you guys and wish that you lived closer so we could enjoy the zoo on a more regular basis with you!

Friday Night Fun

Daddy and Kaydon

Speed Racer
A Great way to end the Night

So Kaydon decided that he wanted to go for a bike ride with us. He is not our "brave" one and I will say that it has been a while sense he has been on his bike, the razor scooter is just so much more fun! He was pretty hesitant for a while but once we go going his confidence grew. He was the " speed racer" and even crashed gracefully, without a cry (quit the accomplishment for him), at the park which ended up with a game of tag! It really is still fun to play. once it was dark it was time to go! I hope to get a hole lot more rides in before it gets toooo hot... and he hopes to get his training wheels off before he starts Kindergarten! We have a LOT of work to get there. I just love moments like this and I am making it a point to put more of these things into my "to do" schedule! Before I know it he will be gone and I want to make sure that I don't miss any opportunity I can to hang out and have fun with my kids. Every week we will have a family bike ride! We just need to get Dad his own bike!

Home Sweet Home

Our Family Room
BEFORE....

AFTER....

Oh where do I even begin! We have been in our house for about two weeks after over a MONTH of hard work. This is one of the first rooms that is "ALMOST" finished. I am so excited about the way it is all coming together. We painted and put in wood floors(which I love more then anything) and french doors which you can't see in the pic. This is where we are able to play games and talk and it is turning out exactly the way I want it to. It is bright, cheerful and full of life... just like us. I can tell you all a thousand different things I want to do to add just to this room alone, but I am defiantly having to have patience! This is not a strong quality of mine by a long shot.. but I think that God is really testing me in this area!

Let me just tell you how disgusting his house was when we first walked through with our keys! We new it needed work... but it was beyond what we thought. We are slowly making it our home (and I am amazed by how fast it is feeling that way) and can't wait to ONE DAY be done. We still have a long road ahead of us - you should see the yards- but know that it will all get done.

I am so grateful to walk into our house.. our "first" house together and know that we are just beginning to write our story here. I can't wait to see all that God has in store for us. Our house is open to all our friends and hope you can some see the rest of what we have done. I will tell you we have 12 colors in our home, a sand room, a metallic room, pirates, beaches and cars! It is a lot.... but it is SOOOOO us! The Richardson's our home and we can't wait to start entertaining! Just remember... it is still a work in process!

Happy Birthday Gale

Last month was my Mother In Law's Birthday! Gale has been in my life from the day I was born. She has been a wonderful Second Mom and always so supportive. She has taught me so much about strength and perseverance. She does an amazing job at getting ALL her Grandkids together and making them all feel special. Thank you for all that you do for our entire family. WE LOVE YOU